Thanks y'all for your comments! I greatly appreciate it and feel less alone in the meal-time battle!!! Our mistake is probably that we are reacting and they know it frustrates us! So we shall press on! I thought 3's were fun, but so far I think they are harder than 2's...and Bailey's coming up right behind her! Lord help us.
Ok, calling all my mom friends- I want to know what you do for picky eaters. Am I the only one with picky eaters? I would love to know how you handle this meal-time madness and what tips/tricks helped.
First of all, I'll tell you that whatever I make for dinner is what is for dinner. Everyone is served the same thing. I don't give sugary snacks (usually fruit, cheese, crackers, etc) and they don't drink all day long. I've gone to cutting out snacks all together and this still did not get my girls to eat. Bailey will eat better than Cerys, but now I think it's just a power struggle with Cerys. They eat breakfast and lunch fairly well, but dinner is just becoming ridiculous. We've tried the "eat 3 bites" thing and Cerys has been known to sit with one nasty, chewed up mouthful of food at the table for an hour! She is stubborn. So the "eat 3 bites" won't work, since she keeps the first bite in her mouth for so long. We've tried Dobson's method- what you don't eat will be served at the next meal -breakfast, then again at lunch if it's not eaten. This has worked a few times, but only after coaxing her to swallow the food. I'm tired of this battle. We are tired of this battle. Tonight did not go well. I was already out of patience with them and then after making yummy chicken, homemade mashed potatoes and black eyed peas, Cerys would not even touch it! Bailey ate her mashed potatoes, but nothing much else.
I know this should not be a battle, every parenting book says that, but I just worry that since Cerys is so skinny to begin with that she is not getting enough! I feel like she barely eats anything. I've tried acting like I don't care if she eats or not, but it does not seem to work. Nothing seems to work.
So, any advice you have would be great! Hurry, before I lost my mind!!!!
I need to go have some coffee now.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
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21 comments:
I'm not sure I have much else to offer by way of advice since I seem to have the same battles myself. My oldest who's 4 has become a much better eater- eats ALL veggies (it may be an age thing- 2 1/2 until almost 4 has seemed to be the stubborn year- VERY true with my 3 year old). I've tried bribery with a special dessert, but the best success I've found is saving the meal till the following day. It's hard, but just be consistent and offer nothing else until they eat the desired amount. I did have a pediatrician tell me that kids will eat when they are hungry and not to worry about them if they are alert and "thriving"- I'm assuming getting into all sorts of mischeif. Also you can give them a vitamin if you're concerned about missing nutrition, but even my pediatrician said that wasn't needed. Since they are eating the other two meals and not junk (cutting out afternoon snacks helped me too), it may just be a case that since they have smaller stomachs than we do they are fine. Ah, the "joys" of parenting! Hang in there and know that one day, they will have a kid just like them!
i agree with sarah. and i am or rather wasnt even that dedicated. if it hadnt been for peanut butter and chicken strips they wouldnt have eaten sometimes. lol. but i have heard of a great new cookbook for this problem. i cant remember the title but the write is jerry sienfield's wife. it has been getting rave reviews. google it and see if it helps. good luck.
Hey girl! I have sooooo been there, and am still there some days! I was like you, very worried that since Anna was so tiny anyways that she was missing out on the nutrition she needed. Her pediatrician told me that when she is hungry she will eat. He said to make her sit at the table with her plate of food in front of her until all of the family was through eating. If by the end of the meal she has not eaten her food, she does not get anything to eat until the next meal. I swear she went nearly 2 days without eating anything of substance! But guess what! On the third day.....guess who ate all of her dinner?!?!?!? I though her Dr. was crazy, but it worked! We still have our days where she does not really want to eat what I have fixed, but never 2 days in a row! How funny, I kid you not, I just had to stop writing for a second because Anna just came up to me and said she did not like what I was fixing for dinner and that she would just wait until breakfast to eat!!!!! How Ironic! Anyhoo, she is healthy and strong, and it really worked for us. I was afraid I would break down, but I stayed strong! Hope this helps! Keep me posted!
Hang in there. Hopefully it gets better - we're dealing with the same thing with all three of our kids. Even Ellie, who's only 16 months, has become a picky eater. We do the "eat what's served or don't eat until the next meal" thing. And if you don't eat, you don't get dessert (if we are having one). Sometimes, they just don't eat. We don't stress about it. At least the boys don't complain anymore; they know the rules and accept them (most of the time unless a coveted dessert is being had). Ellie still fusses but the rule does not change. So far none of them have starved to death or become malnourished. Don't make it a battle. If they don't want to eat, just say "Ok" and keep going.
I agree with Sarah (and Joel since he's my hubby). = ) I know it's hard not to force them to eat. Around here you eat what is before you or you don't eat. I try not to stress about it. I do worry that Ellie doesn't get enough but I know that she will eat when she's hungry. I DON'T battle them. I don't put the same meal in front of them.
I don't do those things mainly because I was a picky eater. I knew what I didn't like and (being stubborn) was willing to go without rather than eat what I didn't like.
All that to say... we don't battle. We don't cajole or urge. I put the food in front of them, I may remind them they have to eat it all to get dessert, but that's it. If they don't eat, I throw it away and the next meal is a new start.
I've never understood the point of re-serving a meal. As adults we don't clean our plates. And we don't always want to eat everything (even the things we've cooked!).
I guess you have to decide if this is something you want to fight about. And if it is, what is your goal?
And remember: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Or you can put food in front of a 3 year old but you can't make her eat.
Ok girl, get your coffee! You deserve it! I have no real advice since our Schäfer is just 1 and seems to be trying to eat us out of house and home. But, this is definitely a phase and has no reflection on your Mommy abilities or your cooking! Hummm...do they take any kind of gummy vitamin? I'd recommend www.askdrsears.com
I agree with the comments above re: eating what's served and the not worrying if they don't...they really will eat when they're hungry.
We've also instituted a 'no thank you bite' rule. They have to have at least 1 bite of the undesired thing(s) and then they are allowed to say 'no thank you'. Now, if that's their choice they may bot get dessert.
I also had a friend that had a child that was bread crazy but not into much of anything else. She used her breadmaker to make any and every type of bread (with fruits and veg in mostly) and served it with each meal. Then she was assured he was at least getting some carrot, or blueberry, or something with each meal but he didn't really realize it.
I agree with what's here - you can't force her to eat, so if she chooses not to eat, let her live with her choice. She won't starve to death. She'll eventually get hungry and eat. I read "The Strong Willed Child" and that's where I got this idea. At first I was appalled, thinking it would keep her awake all night, etc, but I think Hannah only missed 1 meal.
Not so sure you could do it with Bailey, but Cerys for sure could do this.
If that doesn't work, or you don't want to try it just yet, you could always try what my dad's friend did: She went to the store and bought a can of black eyed peas and took the label off. At dinner she set the can in the middle of the table and said, "Ok, whoever doesn't eat their dinner has to eat fish eyes." LOL Of course, since they're used to black eyed peas, that might not work. hehehehe
Hang in there! Call her bluff, let her live with her choice, and she'll come around.
We struggled with Brennig for so long with him and then realized that we really need to pick the battles. Like the Ped. said, they will eat when they're hungry. If they eat breakfast and lunch and decide not to eat supper, fine. Leave it at that. They should be getting all the nutrition they need. We battled for about 1 1/2 years with Brennig and then all of a sudden he eats everything in front of him. We do the the portion thing. They must eat a portion of what you make. Good for you for not making special meals for them!!!! My opinion is that it will cause more harm than good. Brennig eats everything in front of him now including mushy stuff like Black Beans and Rice with lots of tabasco sauce!
Keep up the good work.
Hey - Just keep what you are doing and don't let them get a reaction out of you. After a while, they will get the picture and will eat something. (I have had 4 kids to go through this with). You are a great mom!!!
Sweetie, I don't have children, but I can reference THE expert on children, Leila Daughtry-Denmark, M.D., author of "Every Child Should Have a Chance". Dr. Denmark was a well known pediatrician in the Atlanta area until about five years ago. She is 108 years old and only stopped practicing because she lost her eye sight. From her book she says, (I'm paraphrasing from her book) serve the child their dinner, if they don't eat after 20 or 30 minutes, excuse them from the table. Put their plate away. When they come back later hungry, serve the dinner they would not eat earlier. She says a couple of days not eating, they WILL be hungry and will eat, but as you said in your post, only give them water to drink, no juice, no snacks between meals, and you will have hungry children. I've just referred to her book and she says, "...no food or drink should be given between meals, except water." So right from the mouth of Dr. Denmark is the advice of a wise, wise woman who had cared for thousands and thousands of children during her long, very long distinguished career. There is a book out a lady wrote (I'm going to have to do a search, and send the name on another post), quoting Dr. Denmark on her child rearing suggestions. I'll get the name of the book for you and you can probably order it from Amazon. I can and will be praying for you, because you have the most important job in the universe, raising children. Blessings to you my dear friend.
Do a Google search, type in "Dr. Denmark". Check out these web sites. Be sure a click on "Dr. Denmark--102 years old..." She was 102 in 2001, she will be 108 on February 1st. This site will give you a very good bio on her, she is a wonderful, Godly woman! Also the first website was the book, "Dr. Denmark Sait It". Amazon is also one of the websites. :-)
Charity, check out this blog:
lotsofscotts.blogspot.com
This young woman is the mother of tripletts, about 3 years old and just today she referenced a book she is reading (she has a link to it). I think you might "enjoy" this book. She said she was taking it with her and reading it in the carpool like and at redlights. LOL! "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall fine." :-) PTL
I agree with everything everyone else has said.
The only suggestion I have is, if you're worried they are not getting enough variety, maybe try to serve the meat and veggies at lunch when they eat more and do something lighter for dinner. I don't know how easy that would be with your schedule, but we do it on Sundays and Carson seems to do well with it.
Hey, thanks for the healthcare email - it was very informative and I passed it along to several other people.
As for the food, sometimes we resort to bribing - which works because Kaelin has such a sweet tooth.
But failing that, if she doesn't eat what's on her plate, then she doesn't eat. If she comes to us an hour later and asks for a snack, she can eat what's left of her dinner, or nothing. Skipping a meal here or there won't hurt a kid - they'll eat when they're hungry enough. I was a picky eater too and never suffered from lack of nutrition.
Good luck!
Lucas is the exact same way. He has gone to bed with no dinner the past two nights! I will say he eats like a champ at Breakfast the next morning. I got the cookbook, Deceptively Delicious for my Birthday from a friend. I would not say it is a cure but it does have a lot of children nutritional advice in it. You might look into it. And by the way you asked if Georgia was wearing legwarmers in a picture on our blog and she is! They are called Baby Legs go to babylegs.com
One other thing I thought of, especially with Cerys, is have them help cook even, if it's just stirring something. Yes, it takes more time and makes a huge mess, but we have been able to say "you helped cooked this, don't you want to try it?" It usually gets him to at least take a bite or two.
Hi charity
Sorry to hear about the eating challenges...We did everything we thought of with Llewellyn when we went thro' this last year, it was quite extreme. He refuses food still usually at dinner when we are all home together. Not sure if you agree with this but sometimes you just need them to eat! first bribery works well! More often distraction, don't focus on the not eating or the food, and actually sitting him on mine or Lewis' lap when we've finished eating and chat to him and feed him ourselves. Its like he needs a bit of attention..I also wonder if its because of Gwen feeding her face and getting lots of praise! hope this might help you. I know how distressing it can be when they do this and you just seem to throw away so much food! Hope things pick up soon.
love M
3 has been much harder for us than 2 with Zachary. He is so picky about food too. Not a single vegetable is currently in his diet (b/c I don't count French Fries as vegetables). But he'll eat raisins and applesauce...and yogurt...
I bought the Deceptively Delicious cookbook. Some really good ideas....haven't had time to make many of them yet but it's very clever.
Hi Charity! I can sympathize--two of my three hardly eat a thing, and sometimes it makes me crazy! You sound like you're doing the "right" things by not giving sugary snacks, etc. That multivitamin will cover a lot of sins, too! There are probably a lot of things you can do to make them eat, but it'll be easier on everybody if you just do what makes you feel better--if that means not making a big deal of it, and figuring they'll eventually eat when they're hungry, then do that. If it means forcing them to eat a certain number of bites, do that! They won't starve (I'm hoping, anyway, since I'm in the same boat!), and a sane mama is as important as a full belly!
Good luck! And if you discover the answer, let me know! :)
Hi! Not sure how I ran across your blog, but wanted to let you know I've just joined this pickey-eater club! My 18-month-old son used to eat EVERYthing! He loved every kind of veggie, oh I miss those days! So anyways, we still serve whole veggies with meals, but he only eats green beans & tomatoes. So I started pureeing steamed veggies and mixing it in the other foods he eats. (i.e.: pureed squash goes in homemade mac&cheese, and I use whole wheat pastas/breads/etc so I don't feel SO bad about it.) He won't eat meat either, so that's really messing us up. Sometimes I puree meat and mix it with gravy or soup (yuck) but he'll eat that. He just doesn't like certain textures, but the flavors don't bother him. Crazy crazy kid. I got the puree idea from Jessica Seinfeld's book Deceptively Delicious, which was on Oprah. I have the book, but haven't made the recipes yet, just using the idea. At least I know he's getting some other veggies. I'm totally at a loss too, but that's my temporary solution. We are also starting him on the Juice Plus gummies. (I take Juice Plus too... you can read about it on Dr Sears website). HTH
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