UPDATE 2: Well, tonight was a tiny bit better, but she still tried to pull the same thing on us. She is using going to the potty now as her excuse to constantly get up. And when we don't let her go, since she's already been to the toilet, it's like WW3 breaks out in her room. Not cool. Anyway, I really really appreciate all the comments, and prayers. Thank you so much!
UPDATE: Thanks for the love y'all! We've just got started on another day, so we'll see how it goes. She did have some episodes of "terrible two's" but NOTHING like I've experienced last night. It was a case of, we told her something and she did not like it one bit, so she refused to stay in her bed and it all went down hill from there. I didn't know she could scream that loud for that long, so that's good to know I guess. :) Meanwhile, we have no clue how Bales slept through this, but she was sound alseep holding her stuffed lion the entire time. :)
It's 9pm and I'm sitting here at my dining room table looking at a beautiful sunset. The sky is full of pinks and blues and purples. I have candles lit and the house is quiet- except for the hum of the washing machine, oh and the muffled sound of a soccer, er, football game in the next room. Tonight didn't start out this calm.
I'm worn out.
Bailey (14 months) must be having some separation anxiety at the moment. She does not want us to be out of her sight. Very sweet, but very annoying.
Cerys (almost 3!) did something tonight she has NEVER done before, at least to this extent. Oh me, oh my! She had a full-on, loud, thrashing, throw herself on the floor, screaming fit. I have never seen anything like it, except on Super Nanny and I always thought those parents just didn't know what they were doing. That's what I get for judging. I stood outside her door at an absolute loss as to how to handle this one. Marc came up the stairs with wide eyes and I just stared back with the same look. She's asleep now, thankfully. I know she is worn out. I am worn out. I came down the stairs, sat down at this table and cried. Close to an hour she acted like this. The past week or so she has been refusing her afternoon nap- by talking, singing or getting up a thousand times, which she knows it not acceptable. She's been back-talking, and just has quite an attitude over all. I don't know what's happened to my sweet little Cerys. I hope it's a phase. Oh, I hope.
I am wondering if this is "normal." If it's not, what did I do that made her act like this? I'm always tempted to go back to her birth and the separation of her being in the SCBU (Special Care Baby Unit, same as NICU in the states) and maybe we didn't "bond", etc. Marc always brings me back to reality and helps me realize that if I buy into that lie, I will only be miserable. And he's right. He usually is. I don't mind you knowing that. Some couples joke about the other one always being right. I don't have a problem with it, he is right about most things.
Anyway, it's been quite a stressful night. I am praying tomorrow will be better. I am hoping. I am hoping we can have some wisdom in how to handle this new phase without wilting her personality. She knows what is expected of her, she knows the boundaries and I feel like this past week she is trying to test those boundaries.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
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12 comments:
Oh me, Oh my is right!! If it's any comfort, Zachary has those kinds of fits too and he never left my side at the hospital. Poo poo on that mean man down below putting those thoughts in your head. Zachary's fits usually happen when he's so tired that he doesn't know what to do with himself. He kicks and screams and nothing seems to calm him down. Usually we just let him ride it out. Sometimes it takes longer than other times. Last night he was having a meltdown b/c he disobeyed and wasn't allowed to have a book. I realized after several minutes of trying to explain it all to him that my efforts were useless. Then I thought, okay let me just try this. So I asked him, "Do you want to read a book?" He said yes, of course. I then told him that he could read a book tomorrow. I think he just wanted to know that I understood what he wanted and once he knew I was really listening, he calmed down, even though the answer was still no. If only it worked every time. :)
Man ~ I think consistency in parenting is one of the hardest things! I'll be praying that you'll gain wisdom in knowing how to deal with her through this. It's tough! I remember! Especially when there's one coming not too far behind her that is watching like a hawk!
~ Leah
Charity, Ava is 14 months also and we are having the same separation anxiety problem. I think it is tough with just one, so I know taking care of two babies must be exhausting. By the way, we are expecting our 2nd baby in January. The Lord often reminds me that my husband and children are my first ministry. I guess we just have to lean on His strength during the challenging times and His wisdom when we don't know what to do. You are being a good mommy!! And babies just throw fits sometimes. :)
Sally
Umm.. sounds like she's 3 to me. = ) Will never had the terrible twos. Model child that one. Until he turned 3. O my. He almost didn't survive! Thankfully he's 4 now and much better. Ben on the other hand has decided 2 is the time to express himself.
Stick to your guns, Mom. She's testing your boundaries. You know what to do. Just make sure Marc lets you off duty on a regular basis and you will all survive just fine. = )
Kaelin hasn't reached that age yet, but from what I hear, it's normal. She's learning how to deal with her feelings and will probably try a few methods. From what I hear, you can help her establish healthy ways to deal with her anger. If you need evidence that you're not alone, try this one: http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2007/01/qa_29yearold_sn.html
Ask Moxie is a parenting blog that I have found particularly useful from time to time. Good luck!
You are exactly right--testing those boundaries is exactly what she is doing. I don't know about all almost 3 year olds, but I can tell you that Jamie went through a very similar thing. When he started to learn that there were some things he could control and some things he couldn't he tried to figure out what he could control and tried to control what he couldn't. I hope that makes sense. It's TOTALLY normal.
My biggest advice--remain calm as much as you can. I'm telling you this because I didn't always (I have quite a temper)and it just made things worse. Let her throw her fit, but don't throw one back, and don't let her have her way.
Hang in there. It really does get better.
Oh sweetie! I remember feeling the exact same feelings, wondering where has my beautiful, sweet boy gone? He seemed to be replaced with a totally different child! But you're doing the right thing
stick to what your doing and perserver and it will pass and she will have learnt lessons that will continue to help you in the future. That time with Luke was really hard but disciplining him now is easier because he learnt back then that we mean it and its wrong! Stick in there you'll have your little angel back really soon, meanwhile I've got to do all this again with Josh! Yey!
PS. And BTW listen to Marc he is right you haven't done anything to make her like this, its perfectly normal!
I'm sorry! All that 'attitude' stuff is really not fun to handle. I laughed when Elam (my first) was nearing 3...I thought that I lucked out on having a kid that never hit the 'terrible 2s'. Well, then he turned 3. 3 was SOOOOO much harder for us -- he wanted to push all our buttons and really see how far he could go in every situation...trying to show his independence, I guess.
Here's a bit of unsolicited Mommy advice that you can completely ignore if you want. ;) Have you considered letting her stop napping? E napped until he was 4 and I was shocked when Silas started to 'fight' his naps when he was just turning 3. I couldn't imagine a child that young not needing a nap (especially when he was such a great napper before -- like 2+ hours). But, a month later I let him stop napping and it worked well for all of us. He would get slightly cranky in the early evening (which has since stopped) but he would go to bed earlier and be asleep before I had finished reading a book or singing a song.
I'll be praying that today goes better. :)
charity--- sounds like cerys and julia have more things in common than just their age! i understand completely...and rest assured that i held julia and bonded with her every second after she was born, and we have definitely have had more than one temper tantrum!!! i think it is temperment, tiredness, and just plain being a kid and learning to not get their way. you are such a great mom and she is so blessed to have you.
holly
I'm not going to comment on the kid thing since I don't have any. It usually means more when the person has been there, done that.
I know you are a great mom and handled things appropriately. I'm glad Marc is there to support you! My only advice: take a few pictures next time and put it in her scrapbook:) You'll enjoy the memory...hehe...
Oh, Charity! I feel your pain. With Gabe it was not terrible twos, but it's terrible threes. He was always my even keeled, well-behaved child that everyone was so impressed with (all because of my wonderful parenting of course). But he has all of a sudden turned into a rebellious whiney baby! I won't go into details, but just to give you a taste...I chased him in the rain, in my socks, across the African red dirt the other day just to get him to come inside. Needless to say, I was livid and he reaped some major discipline, although at this point I'm not sure it matters what I do, he's just going to have to figure out those emotions before he can even listen to me. I threw those socks away, by the way. :)
So all this to say, hang in there. I guess we've got a ways to go, but I try to look at it from God's perspective and how He must feel about ME sometimes!
We know it's hard - we've been there! She's was such a good little girl and will be her sweet self again if you just hang in there. We love you and are praying for you.
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