*Thank you all for your suggestions. I do have the Strong Willed Child by Dobson and I got it out again today. However, I just spoke to my mom about this and she reminded me that I was kicked out of the church nursery when I was 2 yrs old for being mean to the other kids and biting them. She said she cried while reading the book by Dobson because he wrote it about me. I apologized to her and just hope I can survive the next few years! :)
We are really struggling with Addison's - searching for a good word....behavior? age? I don't really now. I don't want to magnify our issues with her, maybe all of this normal stuff but we did not struggle this much with Cerys or Bailey at this age.
Example 1: This morning at a school assembly for Bailey. We took the back row seats so I could be near the door. I took a drink and snack for Addie. She refuses to sit in my lap or stroller and is so loud in letting us now she is not happy about either one. I finally ended up taking her out in the hallway, annoyed to be missing Bailey singing, but happy to at least have her out of everyone's ear shot. That didn't last long and I soon ended up having to get Marc to come take her because she was arching her back and getting louder and louder when I would try to direct her.
Example 2: Also this morning. After leaving the school assembly we went to our weekly playgroup. She is normally quite happy and plays the whole time. Today she got mad when it was time to tidy up and threw the playdough tub at a lady. I was shocked and mad and embarrassed. I distracted her and tried to get her to help tidy up the other toys and she kept throwing herself on the floor screaming. A nice older lady tried to give her a toy and talk to her and she threw that toy as well. I scooped her and wrangled her to our car, which was quite a task. I had to park 3 streets away so by the time we got to the car I was exhausted. She would not walk, so it was all I could do get us to the car. She screamed the whole way home. And I cried. She is now suppose to be napping and she is in there crying and not sleeping.
She is not sick. No teeth are coming in that I've noticed. I just don't get it. I now some of it is her being 20 months old. But honestly, I'm freaking out a little bit. I have NEVER been so embarrassed by my child until today. Like I'm really starting to feel like I've failed here.
So that is why I would love to hear from you. Books? Anyone relating to me? Anyone have some hope for me?
9 comments:
I think maybe you were just blessed with 2 mild mannered children first, so that makes Addie seem so hard. Max is just like that...he wasn't a "thrower" at that age but he was a screamer. I just had to be very firm and consistent because he did and still does test all the limits. we could never take him anywhere that he had to be quiet and still...it just wasn't going to happen. i havent bought it yet, but i have heard about a book "raising your strong willed child", something like that, its on my wish list. i feel you on the embarrasment though, its hard. when im in that moment where i think "how did i raise this monster?", i remember all the sweet and tender moments with him and that reminds me that this moment will pass. good luck
Oh, Charity, I'm praying!! The only book that I've seen for children that age is the BabyWise series - there are books for each age group. But, you do have to read them with a grain of salt. They tend to be extreme in some things, and you'll drive yourself nuts trying to do things perfectly according to those books.
Another thought is this - are her ears clear? I know you said she isn't sick or anything, but could she possibly have congestion or wax build-up in her ears that would keep her from hearing as well as she should? I've seen kids go nuts before because either their vision or their hearing is suddenly impaired for some odd reason. That might be WAY off base and totally unrelated, but that was actually the first thing that came to my mind.
Here's a start: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/babies_toddlers_preschoolers/toddlerhood/toddler_misbehavior.aspx
I have no suggestions, however, I am bookmarking this page to read everyone's suggestions so when Dawson does this I know what to do! Praying for you friend. I love you.
Have you ever read The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson?
I've never read it but my parents did when my brother was little and they seemed to get some good info from it.
Don't get down on yourself. Some kids are just harder to parent than others. Just be consistent and eventually you'll get through it. I know God wouldn't give you more than you could handle, so he must think very highly of you!
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/effective_biblical_discipline/the_strongwilled_child.aspx
Well, I don't have and haven't had any kiddos that age yet, but I do have a degree in child development and I did nanny for a girl from age 16 months to 25 months. So...my thoughts are:
Be consistent, no matter how hard it is. She might be old enough (you'd know best) to start having time-outs...make her sit in one spot for 1 minute no matter how much she cries or screams and when the minute is up tell her what she did wrong, get her to say "sorry" if she knows that word, tell her you love her, give her a hug, and let her up. If she has to do that every single time she hits or throws a toy or pitches a fit, she'll eventually get it.
I also think it's important to not let the tantrums gain her a lot of attention. She may do things just because she knows it frustrates you...like pitching a fit while you carried her for 3 streets. Next time try making her walk even if it takes twice as long, otherwise she might think that from now on she can scream and you'll just carry her.
Pick 1 or 2 things to work on and consistently discipline for (otherwise you'll be exhausted and disciplining her all the time, most likely!). Once she's got those down, add another one or two.
Anyways, like I said, take this with a grain of salt since I don't actually have any kids that age. But...I really believe that consistency is key.
Good luck! I'll be praying for you!
I read The Strong Willed Child when Jackson was two. When Dobson said that some children are harder to raise than others, as Amy mentioned, it made me cry. It was just nice to hear someone say that because my friends and I were not on the same playing field and it was frustrating comparing our experiences on the playground.
Charity,
A book we have read and re-read is titled "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp. It is a great resource. Our little boy is 2 and we have the occasional tantrum, etc. He also throws things. We are attempting to be very diligent in guiding him in how to express his feelings appropriately while at home....while in public it's a whole different situation. Prayers for you and your family as you learn and guide your girls.
Charity, I agree consistency is the thing, but I also think that the age between 1 & 2 is the hardest. Communication is at a minimum and they understand everything and want everything. The best thing to do is stay home as much as you can. If you have to go out, obviously go out, but if at all possible stay home. Bring crayons and a book to colour like the big girls do. But toddlers this age are much more content at home and taking them out just screws with their sense of schedule and they know that you will get flustered so they manipulate you. (I've been there!) Once she hits two it will be better because she can communicate better. The Lord is with you. He is beside you walking and upholding your head.
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