Let's Just Be Honest

I've been a cranky mother lately. I could use a number of excuses- I'm not sleeping well at night, therefore I'm exhausted. I'm very pregnant. I'm hormonal. I have a 4 year old. I have a 2 year old. I could go on, but I won't. Tonight I decided I needed what my mother use to call an "attitude adjustment."  

The little tantrum Bailey threw at gymnastics this morning and her screaming the whole way to Cerys' school didn't help much. The way Cerys gets worked up over the hand towel in the bathroom not being hung exactly to her liking after washing her hands-EVERY TIME... did not help either. Today has been "one of those days."

I'm so thankful to have my girls. Most of the time they crack me up and I love spending time with them. Lately though it seems I'm getting upset rather quickly or annoyed way too fast, when I should just chill and laugh a bit more.  I was skimming a book that I've read before called The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. I highly recommend it if you have not read it before. One sentence jumped out at me, basically because it said exactly what I have felt yesterday and today-

"They were busy little sinful creatures that demanded all of my body, time, life, emotions and attention."

Let's be honest, have any of you ever felt that way? It's so demanding! And to think we are about to have another one any day, makes me feel even more defeated! 

Clarkson explains how one evening she was desperate to put her children to bed and they were splashing around in the bath making a huge mess (can anyone relate?) and in her moment of anger she realized there were two conflicts in her heart....

"...my commitment to motherhood versus my lurking desire to have life my own way....I began to see my children's care and nurture as God's best will for my life during my season as a mother....I needed to accept days like this - my children's neediness, the myriad of mindless tasks, and even my own occasional discomfort-as part of my partnering with my husband toward our mutual goal of building a godly heritage for Christ."

I guess lately I've been selfish and have that "lurking desire to have life my own way." I keep thinking, my life is about to change again- sleepless nights, nursing a baby, a million nappy changes a day,  and I just want to enjoy the last few days or weeks (hope not!) of not having anymore demands on me. But because of that thinking I have been less patient and quick to snap at the girls just because I'm annoyed.  It's not fair to them that Mommy has been so cranky. 

So, my plan is to wake up with a happy heart (something we use around here when talking about our attitudes) in the morning and relax a bit more...knowing that at this season of my life, this is just part of it.  Knowing that the "smallness" of this stage of my life will not last forever...just like this pregnancy, I hope! :) 

This too shall pass....